


Follow Me into the Endless Night

by 7_Magpies



Series: Shyan Song Fics [14]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Camping, Failure to Communicate, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Smut, Song: Meet Me in the Woods (Lord Huron), Tent Sex, There's A Tag For That, and other potentially bad ideas, by a frustrated coworker, camping with the person you're in love with, steven lim is so done, talking about feelings, trapped together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:15:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7_Magpies/pseuds/7_Magpies
Summary: Shane has always been good at compartmentalizing. Ryan's tricky, though, and refuses to stay off his mind. A camping trip causes Shane to address those feelings, except he still doesn't until he's forced to.-----This is inspired by "Meet Me in the Woods" by Lord Huron. It's a oneshot and unrelated to other works in this series.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: Shyan Song Fics [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857880
Comments: 11
Kudos: 104





	Follow Me into the Endless Night

**Author's Note:**

> This song was requested by a reader and honestly took me a looooooong time to finally decide on a plot (just ask bottomryanbitch and also a huge thanks to her for reading this mess over for me - go check her out, she's amazing).
> 
> I ended up trying to go more for the overall vibe of the song and incorporated lyrics here and there into the dialogue. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> I know they mentioned camping in some episode of something at some point but I can't remember if Ryan said he's ever been or not and didn't bother checking, so if I am wrong and he's a camping aficionado, sorry but please don't rant at me in the comments.
> 
> Thanks to the book club for encouraging me in my smut writing escapades, I'm slowly but surely getting more confident.

_“I took a little journey to the unknown_

_And I come back changed, I can feel it in my bones”_

Shane loved camping. He always had. So when his parents mentioned maybe going on a camping trip over the summer, he had leapt at the idea. 

It was a fun trip, to be sure. He loved spending time with his family. For some reason, though, he kept thinking about Ryan. 

Every story he told about life in LA had Ryan appear in it at some point, from the antics he got up to on Unsolved shoots to just being a menace around the office. He knew he was talking about his friend a lot, but he couldn’t help it even when he tried. 

He knew he shouldn’t be thinking of Ryan so much. They were coworkers, friends, and Shane loved spending time with him. Thinking about him as often as he was beginning to would be a problem. For some reason, though, he couldn’t keep Ryan off his mind. 

_It’s just because you’ve not seen him in a week_ , he tried to reason. _Once you get back home, everything will be back to normal._

The last night of the trip, Shane lay on his back and looked at the stars. _I wish Ryan were here to see this,_ he allowed himself to think. As the stars made their way across the sky, though, he began compartmentalizing again. He had allowed his thoughts of Ryan to expand, take up more space than they were meant to, encroach upon the other areas of his life. He was going to be around him again in just a couple days, though, and he had to put his mental boxes back in place. So he packed up the box labelled “Ryan” and put it up on a shelf, ignoring how precariously balanced it was.

\-----

When he got back at the office a couple days later, he was greeted by a grinning Ryan. “Hey, how was vacation?”

“Not bad,” he answered, smiling back. “Did you miss me?”

Ryan laughed. “Yeah, ‘cause with you gone I had a lot more work to do.” 

Shane told him about the trip and showed him pictures. “Camping sounds pretty fun,” Ryan said after laughing at Shane’s retelling of his brother’s encounter with a spider. “Minus any creepy crawlies you might encounter, of course,” he added.

“It is. How long has it been since you’ve gone camping?”

“I haven’t.”

Shane raised his eyebrows. “You’ve never been camping? Really?”

“Come on, don’t look at me like that,” Ryan laughed. 

“I’ve gotta fix that, you know,” he said smiling. “Someone’s gotta get your city ass out in the great outdoors in a tent. Make some s’mores, look at the stars, all that fun stuff.”

Ryan just chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Sure, whatever.”

Shane kept thinking about it, though. About taking Ryan out camping. Staying so far away from other people in a small tent, sitting up next to a fire at night, looking at the stars. It sounded like fun. It sounded more than fun, if he was honest. And so, after a couple weeks, Shane had a plan.

He showed up at Ryan’s apartment Saturday morning and knocked.

“What’s up?” he answered, bleary-eyed. Shane had obviously woken him up.

“Pack your stuff. We’re going on a trip.”

“Huh? Shane, it’s eight o’clock on a Saturday.” 

“Yup, and we’ve got plans. I’ve got my car packed, just get clothes together for two days. I told them we wouldn’t be in on Monday.” He couldn’t help grinning in excitement.

“What if I have plans this weekend?” 

“You don’t. Now go pack. I’ll wait.” 

Ryan sighed. “Fine. Give me a minute. I hate you, y’know?”

“Love you too. Now go on, get to it.”

Ryan closed the door and Shane went back down to his car. About twenty minutes later, Ryan was walking towards his car with a duffle bag over his shoulder. He climbed in the car and Shane handed him the coffee he’d picked up on his way. “Here you go, look like you need it.”

“How long have you been up?” he asked as he sipped the coffee.

“Woke up at seven. I’ve had this planned for a while. Thought I’d surprise you.”

“It worked,” Ryan admitted with a half-smile. “I had no idea.”

\-----

About two hours later, Shane was driving up the side of the mountain to their camping spot. He could already feel the distance from the city and felt himself loosen up. Not that he was ever too tense. He didn’t know how to explain it, really. He just knew that being out of the city alone with his friend was going to be the most fun he’d had in a while.

He looked over at Ryan, who was napping in the passenger seat, and felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. 

After a few minutes, Shane pulled into their campsite and parked. “Ryan?” he said softly, tapping his friend’s shoulder. 

Ryan stirred and opened his eyes slowly, looking around.

“We’re here. You need to get out, we’ve gotta set the tent up.” 

He nodded and stretched, pulling the hem of his shirt up a little bit and exposing dark skin and toned muscle, not that Shane noticed. He climbed out of the car and started unloading the few bags he had packed.

Setting up the tent wasn’t too much of an ordeal. He only threatened to hit Ryan over the head with the hammer twice, and Ryan only cursed a few times as he tried to figure out which posts were supposed to go in where. 

After thirty minutes (the instruction manual said it would be ten, but it was a dirty liar and Shane was tempted to use it as fuel for s’mores that night) they finally had it up and set out the mattress pad Shane had packed so they wouldn’t have to lie on the ground. 

Shane had packed sandwiches and they ate some lunch, lounging on the mattress pad. “How are you liking camping so far?”

“It’s interesting. Are tents always such a pain?”

“They can be,” Shane answered with a chuckle. “Feel like going for a walk later? There’s a really neat hiking trail I want to show you.”

“Sounds great, big guy.” 

When they finished, Shane led Ryan to the trail. They walked, joking with each other as they went about whatever came to mind. Shane asked if Ryan regretted not packing his high visibility vest and helmet, and Ryan asked if Shane thought they’d run into his uncle Bigfoot while they were in the forest. They were tired old jokes, and Shane knew it, but he didn’t care. Being in this place with Ryan made even the most tired bits feel new. 

He felt Ryan coming out of where he was carefully compartmentalizing him again. So far from the city, among the trees, his careful mental boundaries kept dissolving, until his mind was full of Ryan’s smile, Ryan’s laugh, Ryan’s voice, _Ryan._

He couldn’t bring himself to care.

\-----

That night, they made s’mores. They didn’t talk as much, lying on their backs and looking up at the stars. Shane looked over at Ryan, his skin almost glowing in the firelight, and felt his heart skip a beat again at the sight. 

“What’s up?” Ryan asked, looking over at Shane.

“Hm? Nothing. Just wondered if you were having fun.”

“I am.” And he gave Shane such a wide smile, and Shane had never been more proud of anything in his life than in that moment, knowing he made Ryan smile like that.

“Good. Told you camping is fun.”

“Yeah, you did.” 

They looked at each other for a few moments. Back home, Shane wouldn’t have allowed himself to look at Ryan so blatantly, let alone with Ryan watching him. But up away from the rest of the world, he couldn’t think of a good reason why not. Ryan was beautiful, and Shane wanted to commit the moment to memory. Wanted to be able to look back at the way the light of the fire danced along his cheekbones, the way his dark eyes were warm as they looked at him, the way his arms behind his head showed off his biceps. Shane made a note of all these details to look back on later, when he wouldn’t allow himself to watch Ryan so obviously.

“You’re different,” Ryan said quietly.

“How do you mean?”

“Just… you seem less guarded, I guess.”

“I didn’t notice,” Shane lied. 

“I like it.”

That admission felt like something more weighty than the three words that made it up. But Shane couldn’t put his finger on what or why. “Thanks.”

“Any time. We should probably get our sleeping bags out and turn in, though. It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, good point. You go on in and put on your pajamas. I’ll put out the fire.”

They stood up and went about putting things in the car and tent. After a little while, they were both in their pjs and laying on the mattress pad in their own sleeping bags. 

“Thanks for this, Shane. Really.”

“Any time. I’m having fun, too.”

Ryan smiled and closed his eyes. “You don’t have to get me up so early the next time, though.”

Shane barked a short laugh before dozing off himself, hand laying between him and Ryan.

When he woke up, Ryan’s hand was covering it.

\----- 

The next day went well. At first. They woke up at about ten and had some breakfast, granola bars that Shane had grabbed.

“There’s a really neat look out point I want to show you.”

“Sounds fun,” Ryan said, smiling widely despite his eyes still being bleary from sleep. 

So they went to the look out point, and Shane took pictures of Ryan looking out over the city. He didn’t post it anywhere, though. 

As they walked back to their tent, Shane felt a water droplet hit the top of his head. He looked up and noticed that it had grown cloudy.

“Shane, is it supposed to rain?”

“I don’t know.”

“What, you didn’t check the weather?” He started to laugh, looking up at the sky.

“I forgot, I guess.” He felt a few more drops hit his shoulders. “Come on, let’s get back to the tent.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t check the weather,” Ryan called after him as they started to walk quickly towards the tent.

The rain picked up and was falling in earnest as they got closer to their campsite. Shane unzipped the door and ducked in, pulling Ryan in after him and closing the door behind him. He laughed as he shook his head, slinging water off his hair. He looked up to see Ryan running his hands through his hair, slicking it back out of his face. 

His friend’s t-shirt was wet, causing it to cling to his shoulders in a way that Shane had to work to pull his eyes away from. When he brought his gaze back to Ryan’s face, he realized he was being watched. Ryan was looking at his face with an unreadable expression. 

“What’s up?” Shane asked quietly, almost not loud enough to be heard over the rain falling on the canvas of the tent.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing, the way you were looking at me,” he said in a deep voice that sent a thrill down Shane’s spine.

“I, uh, sorry,” Shane stammered, looking at his shoes. He saw Ryan stepping towards him. 

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” 

Shane brought his eyes up to meet Ryan’s again, and saw that Ryan had stepped quite close. Close enough he could see water droplets clinging to his long lashes. Ryan’s hand rose slowly, as though he was afraid of scaring Shane off.

Shane stood still, breath coming shakily, as Ryan’s fingers brushed a stray bang out of Shane’s eye. His hand stayed, though, hovering over Shane’s hair.

Neither of them said anything. It felt like breaking the silence would break something else. They stood, looking at each other, when Ryan finally rested his hand on the side of Shane’s neck lightly. 

Shane felt like his heart was going to burst, it was beating so fast. He tried to level out his breathing, but it was hard with Ryan looking at him so closely, like he was seeing him clearly for the first time. 

In the small tent with the rain falling outside, Shane leaned down and gently met Ryan’s lips with his own. It was barely a kiss, more of a chaste press of lips. Ryan deepened it, stepping on his toes and pulling Shane deeper into the contact. 

So far away from the city and other people, Shane allowed himself to give up on the compartmentalization. He allowed his carefully closed box labelled “Ryan” to fall off the shelf, scatter along the floor, seep into everything else, until his entire mind was only occupied by thoughts of how Ryan felt and tasted and smelled and _Ryan._

When they pulled apart to breathe, Shane realized his hands had closed around Ryan’s hips, and Ryan’s hands were in his hair, pulling his head down to his own level. 

“This… probably isn’t a good idea,” Shane finally said, closing his eyes to avoid seeing Ryan’s reaction to his admission.

“Maybe not. But maybe…” he trailed off and Shane slowly opened his eyes, looking up at him, seeing his blown pupils and the color rising in his cheeks. “Maybe I don’t care,” he said softly, barely a whisper, and Shane’s heart skipped a beat.

His lips met Ryan’s again, and he pulled him close. 

In his wildest dreams, Shane had never allowed himself to imagine sleeping with Ryan. It seemed pointless and a little masochistic and he wasn’t really into that. If he _had_ imagined it, though, he would probably picture Ryan as being the one to take control, pushing and pulling Shane to where he wanted him to be. 

Instead, Ryan was almost pliant, eager and receptive to everything Shane did. When Shane pulled his damp t-shirt off where it clung to his shoulders and kissed down his neck, Ryan’s head rolled back and he moaned. When Shane unfastened his jeans and pushed them down, Ryan shifted his weight to make it easier even while he pushed Shane’s own shirt off. Once they were both undressed, Ryan sat on top of his sleeping bag and took Shane’s hand. Shane was pulled down and sat on Ryan’s lap, facing him. He ran his hands along Ryan’s back, tracing the dips and swells of his muscles as he kissed him, tongue searching. 

Ryan was holding his thighs in place with a strong grip that Shane hoped would bruise - not because he enjoyed the pain, but because they would be proof that _this happened_ and he wasn’t imagining. One of his hands traced up his leg and around to his ass, cupping and squeezing it, causing Shane to catch his breath against Ryan’s lips. 

He pushed against Ryan, causing him to fall onto his back, and quickly covered him with his own body, kissing him again and again.

Kissing Ryan felt like trapping lightning in a bottle, like being hit fully with a force of nature and managing to catch it and hold it in his hands. It was addictive and he suppressed the shudder caused by the feeling of electricity running across his skin wherever Ryan’s hands traced. 

If kissing Ryan was lightning, though, then Shane had nothing to compare to when he finally found the courage to slip his hand down Ryan’s boxers. When his hand found Ryan’s dick, Ryan let out a groan that felt like a roll of thunder against Shane’s chest. Shane chased it with his own mouth, kissing him as he traced his fingers down Ryan’s length. “That’s okay?” he asked breathlessly against Ryan’s neck.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s good.” Ryan’s hands found Shane’s waist, and Shane couldn’t fight his own reaction to Ryan’s touch. “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine?” he asked in a mischievous tone that caused his knees to threaten to buckle. 

He finally took control of his muscles and was able to push off of Ryan enough to pull their boxers off before straddling his thighs and taking in the dark skin on display. The tent was mostly dark, thanks to the storm outside, but there was enough light to highlight Ryan’s muscles, damp from sweat and rain water. 

“You keep looking at me like that,” Ryan said softly, hands closing around Shane’s knees. 

“Like what?”  
  


“I don’t know…” he traced his thumbs along Shane’s knees, and honestly that shouldn’t have made Shane’s stomach drop the way it did, but he was far beyond the reach of phrases like “supposed to.”

“I’ve just caught you looking at me a few times,” Ryan continued, seemingly unaware of the effect of his touch. “You don’t look at me that way back home.”

“I don’t let myself, I guess,” he said. _I want to memorize you_ , he didn’t say. _I’m afraid this isn’t real, and if it isn’t, I’m going to hold this memory close._

“You should,” Ryan said matter-of-factly, and Shane was struck by how easy it seemed to be for him to just… _say that._

“It’s not that easy,” Shane answered in a small voice. He gently rested his hands on Ryan’s abs, tracing along the muscle. _Because looking leads to wanting and wanting leads to disappointment because I wasn’t supposed to have this,_ he didn’t say. 

His hand moved down Ryan’s body to rest on his cock where it was half-hard. Shane wrapped long fingers around it lightly, barely more than the ghost of a touch along his length, and Ryan shuddered beneath him. 

“Still alright?”

“I’ll let you know if it isn’t,” he assured Shane, squeezing his knees lightly. “I need more,” he said in a voice that went straight to Shane’s groin.

Shane nodded, and shifted until he could close his hand around both him and Ryan at once and started to give slow, even strokes. One of Ryan’s hands moved to rest on top of Shane’s, not stopping him, but moving along with him. 

“Feels good,” Ryan huffed, breath starting to come in short puffs. Shane watched the rise and fall of his chest, biting his lip hard enough he wouldn’t have been surprised to taste blood. His arm was getting sore from leaning his weight on it, and his knees were going to ache, and his back would definitely have some complaints, but none of that seemed to affect him. In their tent in the rain so far away from home, pain and discomfort didn’t have any bearing on him. All that existed was him and Ryan and where they connected. 

His strokes became faster and more erratic as he felt the heat build low in his gut. “God, Ryan, look at you,” he panted, eyes transfixed on his friend’s face. Ryan’s eyes were closed and his brows furrowed as though he were concentrating on something. His lips were a thin line and Shane leaned down to kiss them, trapping their hands on their cocks between them as he did. Ryan kissed him back, pulling his head off of the mattress pad to follow Shane’s lips even as he pulled away. 

“Shane,” he almost whined. “I’m close.”

“Good,” Shane huffed, and his hand movements became more hurried and he twisted his wrist on each stroke. After a moment, Ryan was spilling over his fingers, hips jerking as he grunted out Shane’s name, and Shane followed him shortly after. 

Shane settled against Ryan’s chest, not even thinking about the mess between their bodies as he kissed Ryan slowly. Ryan trailed a hand up Shane’s spine and rested it between his shoulder blades. Shane hummed against Ryan’s lips, moving a hand to tangle in Ryan’s hair. He pulled back for air and looked down at Ryan’s face. 

Even in the low light, Shane could tell Ryan’s pupils were blown wide. His lips were indented from biting them and there was a blush in his cheeks. Shane ran his fingers through his hair, looking at him, memorizing him. 

“We should clean up,” Ryan said softly after a moment. 

“Probably. Come here.” He stood up and pulled Ryan to his feet before getting a towel from his duffel bag. He turned back to Ryan and started cleaning him off, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Shane?”

“Hm?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” He was. He was fine. That’s what he repeated in his mind, at least, because if he ever stopped he was afraid of where his thoughts would go. So they cleaned off and then pulled on some clothes and laid down on Shane’s sleeping bag, Ryan curled up on Shane’s chest.

_This is fine, this is fine, this is fine,_ Shane’s thoughts kept saying. He felt his fears just under the surface, and was determined not to hear them. Determined to just feel Ryan in his arms and hear his breath as the rain continued to fall outside. 

\-----

The rest of their trip was far less eventful. Every minute that passed and they didn’t talk about it, Shane was both relieved and disappointed. He didn’t _want_ to talk about… what happened. But he wanted to know what Ryan thought. 

Not for the first time, Shane felt himself grow frustrated at his inability to simply read minds and know what the people around him wanted without having to talk about it with them. Having discussions about feelings and desires didn’t exactly sound like a good time. 

And so they finished their trip and went back into the city on Monday morning. They still didn’t talk about it. 

Shane dropped Ryan off, and they said their standard goodbyes. Shane felt like he was saying goodbye to who he had allowed himself to be, as well, when he was with Ryan alone. He didn’t dwell on that thought, though.

\-----

The week after their trip went as normal as Shane could have hoped. If he jumped a little whenever Ryan touched him, or avoided meeting Ryan’s eyes, it wasn’t like it was noticeable. It was just Shane being weird. Shane was always weird. What was a little more weirdness on top of what was already present, he thought, as he worked to not think about why he was being weird. 

Apparently it was noticed, though, because Steven pulled him aside after Watcher Weekly. 

“Shane, what’s going on with you two?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean what’s going on. You and Ryan have hardly looked at each other all week. Neither of you were joking nearly as much in that episode as usual, and you know the viewers are gonna notice that I was stuck making most of the jokes.”

“We’re fine,” Shane insisted, not quite looking up from the floor. He could tell Steven didn’t believe him, though.

“Whatever,” his friend finally said, walking back into the office and leaving Shane standing in the hallway. 

Things continued, and Shane was never alone in a room with Ryan - not that it was intentional, it just happened. Ryan would sometimes find other places to work than their shared table space, and Shane didn’t say anything about it. They usually spent time together outside of work once or twice a week, but Ryan didn’t ask, and Shane didn’t either. 

When the week was finally over, Shane was relieved. At the end of the day Friday he was finally packing up and realized that he and Ryan and Steven were the only ones left in the office. 

“I’m heading out,” Shane said as he grabbed his bag, but Steven stopped him. 

“Hey, Shane, if you’re done with your stuff would you mind taking this project over for a little bit?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Just a second.” Steven left the office and closed the door behind him. Before Shane could feel awkward about being alone with Ryan, though, he heard a strange sound from the door. 

“What… what was that,” he asked Ryan.

“It sounded like the lock? The door has a lock?”

Shane went to the door and tested the handle. It didn’t work. “Apparently so. Steven?”

“Yes?” came Steven’s reply from the other side of the door.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing? You two have been driving everyone crazy all week, so I’m going to make you both deal with your problems. You aren’t leaving until you sort out your business or until one of you is dead. Whichever happens first. At this point I’m not picky.” 

“You can’t do that,” Ryan said, walking up beside Shane to talk through the door to Steven. 

“What are you going to do? Report me to HR? I _am_ HR. So sort out your mess. I don’t have any plans tonight.”

Shane looked over at Ryan and then away quickly. “Steven, seriously-”

“I’m _being_ serious, Shane. If you two are going to act like children then I’m going to put you in time out like children. I’m going to go get some dinner. I’ll be back later and I might let you both out if you’ve _talked like adults_ by then.” Shane heard footsteps walk down the hall and the telltale sound of the door at the end of the hall opening and closing. 

Shane sat in his office chair, still not looking at Ryan. 

“Well,” Ryan eventually said.

He finally looked up at Ryan and allowed himself to look at him. He looked different from the weekend earlier (not that Shane revisited those memories, and especially not at work because that would be inappropriate). The white lighting in the office was a far cry from the firelight, and so Shane couldn’t tell if Ryan was as pale as he looked in comparison to the memory of him looking up at the stars the first night. His eyes had dark circles underneath them as well that Shane hadn’t noticed due to avoiding eye contact as much as he could. He looked like a bit of a mess, but Shane knew for a fact he was probably in a similar state. 

“Are you going to say something?” Ryan asked. 

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Shane admitted, looking away from Ryan. 

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”  
  


“Look away from me like that,” Ryan insisted, and Shane felt him stepping closer. “You’ve barely _looked at me_ all damn week after ogling me last weekend.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Shut up, Shane!” His voice sounded thick and Shane looked up to see his eyes were shiny. He looked like he was about to cry, and Shane’s heart felt like it was crumbling at the sight. “I just want to know why you’re avoiding me after what happened. If you regret it that’s fine-”

“No! No, it’s not that, it’s…” Shane sighed and covered his face with his hands, hoping it would help his mind settle on what to say. He heard Ryan pull a chair up to sit in front of him. 

“I don’t regret it. I was just scared, okay?”

“Scared of me?” Ryan sounded concerned. 

“No. Scared of… this, I guess,” he gestured between them and at the office. “What would this mean for _this_? For what we’ve done?” 

“I don’t know, Shane, but we’ll figure it out. We always do. We always have. We always will.” He put a hand on Shane’s knee, comforting.

Shane looked at his friend, at how sure he seemed about everything that Shane held doubts about. “So… you didn’t regret what happened. And I didn’t regret what happened. Right?”

“I think so, yeah.”

Shane nodded. And the box labelled “Ryan” finally fell off the shelf in his mind. To hell with compartmentalizing, and blocking feelings, and whatever else, because Ryan was _there_ and Ryan _wanted him_ and he was allowed to want Ryan in return. 

He pulled Ryan in to kiss him. It was admittedly rough and a little sloppy, but Ryan didn’t seem to mind as he bit off a gasp of surprise when Shane kissed him.

It felt like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, and the warmth flooded Shane’s body. He pulled Ryan close (because he _could_ ) and didn’t bother trying to remember what he felt like and looked like (because this wouldn’t be the last time they did this, he hoped).

He had pulled Ryan onto his office chair with him when they heard a sound from the door and broke apart. 

Steven stood at the door holding a bag from a takeout restaurant. “I see you sorted it out?” he said, face flushed. 

“Yeah, those days are gone.” He pushed Ryan off of his lap and grabbed his bag. “See you next week.”

Ryan grabbed Shane’s hand and pulled him out of the office, and Shane followed him out and into the darkness. He hoped the night wouldn’t end. But, even if it did, he would have Ryan there.

“Is this… strange to you?” Shane asked Ryan in bed that night.

“Stranger than I could have dreamed,” Ryan murmured into his chest before looking up at him. “But I kind of love it. It seems fitting. For us.”

Shane nodded and held on to Ryan. 

Outside, in a rare occurrence, it rained in Los Angeles. Inside, however, all that existed was him and Ryan and where they were connected.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please leave a kudos and consider commenting! 
> 
> If you've got a request I'd love to hear it!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at in-between-sleep-and-awake


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